"The woods are lovely dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep." ROBERT FROST
Is it strange the fact that taking a break from running may even damper on some moods? Maybe the fact that I have been so death row lately constitutes in the way of how I am feeling. Running gives me a sense of release. A release from everything that surrounds me, may I have a bad day, I run harder and faster to release all of that from the day is gone. Running is the only time in which I feel calm and at ease. I have not run in a month and I have changed. I have been moody, emotional and bitter. I don’t know how to control these mood swings of mine, where I don’t have a sense of release. A notion of feeling absolutely nothing and having a feel of freedom of no wills of any care…the road is endless and the exhilaration is forever.
I am not holding anything aside, not holding anything on my shoulders. Running to me is a feel of just air, a feel those miles is a sense of heaven where you are on a cloud only thinking about your breath, you stride, the wind blowing into your ear and runners passing you by. It is a release from the outside word that we live in. A city called New York City, where things roll fast and if you are not n the mix, the moment has passed you by.
We are in difficult times; the economy stinks on all levels. The job that you have, you have to make the best of it because you are lucky to even have a job in this recession of a market. Life is what it is right now and you have to make the most of it and best of it. I find myself searching for an answer in if I should find a second job at a shoe/athletic apparel store like Jack Rabbits or just enjoy the Fridays that was given to us…OFF. My office and this lousy job/housing market gave the employers a 20% pay cut where we are only working 4 days a week…and Fridays from November to April…I call them No School Days. (in which I wrote on my calendar for all of my job meetings.) I will need to find some way to keep afloat and that only means I need to cut my luxuries…of marathons. I am still doing Miami, since I have already paid for my ticket; housing is free due to knowing certain Flyers who are going and staying with NC. Boston? Yes, I think that will be secured as well, where I can not miss the best marathon or hype again. Boston and New York…if I missed both of these that would be sad…but Fridays during this time will be kept busy where I will be able to change my schedule around and actually run during the weekday…on a Friday. Maybe even do a long run on Fridays and have my weekend to enjoy or putz around. But will I be happy? I don’t think so…I rather work than not, I’m strange like that. I need work to occupy me and keep me consumed in all of my craziness that runs through my head.
I admit it. I am crazy. I am weird, I am strange in every aspect. I consume things differently than other people and go through different instances because I am different.
The past few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster and it has been tiring to find that I cannot give my 100%. I am tired and find that my work is consuming me, my life is non-existent and I need running. Running controls me and schedules out my life. I feel in order, feel that things work and feels right. Maybe once I get my running back, I can finally come to terms with a whole lot of things mentally and hope to do so soon. I feel like I am addicted to running and am an addict like everyone had said I was during the NYC marathon…Do I need help?
I need sleep…rest, massage and to feel nothing…