8/16/09

Boston - wedding

Before a race, I focus on my goal and the hard training I've done. It motivates me to let it all out that day. For me, races are the celebration of my training. Dan Browne, 2007 National Champion in the 5-K and 20-K

So after the arrival in Boston, I checked in and left CW, my pledge fraternity brother. Yes, I can easily say that he is one of my closer pals where he endured my fraternity life, my architecture life and sometimes my running life.

I quickly changed to go to the wedding reception, where again, bad luck would arrive (the train was out of service as I got on, so we had to take the next one...upon arrival, I had to walk from Davis square to the Tufts chapel...where it was a brutal humid day...mind you I don't do well in humidity and I sweat a lot!

The church was not much better as I was completely soaked and the fans were on for a short while...then our reverend (the advisor of our fraternity) turned them off during service. It was good seeing a different crew of friends, my brother's, that I have abandoned for 3+ years. I had been a ghost in our fraternity after school, which is weird because when I was in school I would give 100% of my efforts to it.

The thing with that has never changed. I try to go or no go, I won't half ass things where I have learned that you are all in or out completely. This is what I am now, with my running and hopefully that would never change...

It was a good service and I got to catch up with all of my college buddies and found out what they were up to and how things were. It was a wedding and some things really don't change. I couldn't believe that the class below ours (pretty much all of these guys were married...and none of our class were at all). It's quite funny though, but tells the difference between people and how they are.

Waking up this morning from the hangover (or rather dehydration of the lack of water balance to alcohol that I had drank) I walked over to the duck/swan pond in the Boston Park...these are my reflections of my life right now...

My life is in pure chaos. I can't figure myself out in the long run where I try to keep myself occupied, take on different things where I am living the single life. Why? I don't know, but something has got to give if I am to be in a relationship with someone and I do know that.

Upon reflection of the momentous wedding reception and just looking at the pure beauty of things, it's a commitment issue that I seem to have. I can't commit to anything...just things that I am certain about, 100% confident in and being able to survive. That is why I have running...maybe I am even running away from my fears? What are these fears? I don't exactly know...

But, my life is slowly getting back together as I have my job back, my living situation is stable and my other jobs...well, we are just awaiting for November 1st to finally have a full life back and less commitments towards running and veer them towards something else...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

B,
Nothing is ever 100 percent guaranteed. You have to just leap and wait for the net to appear (it has a funny way of doing so most of the time). Plus, running isn't 100 percent guaranteed to be the answer to all your fears/anxieties either--i.e. You own a pair of nike spandex and the elastic breaks. Talk about problems then!

Keep your head up and your eyes open, things will fall nicely into place when you least expect them to.Trust.:)

-pean

Corey said...

B,
glad to see I made the blog.

Every now and then I'll listen to this song when I'm running.. Not sure what it means, or what it may mean to you, but it puts some goosebumps on my skin and make me run a bit harder for the 5 min. that the song is on for.

Enjoy!

CW

Scissor Sisters - "It Can't Come Quickly enough"

Sailling through the tunnels
In the morning by yourself
There's a very special feeling
True sensation all is well
If you stand and reach your arms out wide
Close your eyes and try to fly
It's an underground illusion
Tricking you from side to side

We knew all the answers
And we shouted them like anthems
Anxious and suspicious
That God knew how much we cheated

It can't come quickly enough
And now you've spent your life
Waiting for this moment
And when you finally saw it come
It passed you by and left you so defeated

Skyscrapers rise between us
Keeping me from finding you
If the concrete architecture
Dissapeared there'd be so few
Of us left to navigate and
Defend ourselves from the tide
It's an underground illusion
Tricking you from side to side

There's no indication of
What we were meant to be
Sucking up to strangers
Throwing wishes to the sea

It can't come quickly enough
And now you've spent your life
Waiting for this moment
And when you finally saw it come
It passed you by and
Left you so defeated