10/18/09

Gma

Spirit has fifty times the strength and staying power of brawn and muscle. Anonymous

So...arriving in New Jersey by bus was a rather pleasant experience.

My cousin, who is like a brother to me and rather a person I look up to always...(They always say that I end up copying the things that they want to accomplish and he always states that I do things better: marathons, running, tattoos, architecture, etc...)

But anyways, I arrived and we went to Costco to buy some food items for myself, then headed straight to my grandma's place to visit.

It's been about a month since I had seen my grandma and well, this was sort of the reason why this weekend is a family weekend. My grandma is the one that has the Alzheimer's disease. She is the one I deeply care about and have worked hard for...I am guessing that since we (my sister and I) were little, we would visit my grandma first and then visit my cousin. Hence being a little closer to both my grandfather and grandmother on my mother's side.

So...this weekend is my grandfather's passing, one year ago. The weekend was in a very large anticipation of grief...and hardship. I can remember the hardships that went through my mind and what emotions I had endured during this...and not really caring about anything in the world, but family...

Family always comes first...and I do know that, although I guess this is why I also run...to represent things and to run away...run away from life, run away from fears and run away from all my emotions that I seem to be relieved over when all is done and through...

So, after a late night of watching the Yankee game and taking small naps in between, I finally went to bed along with my cousin after the 12th inning.

I woke up the this morning at 7, which was really great because I got to sleep in...yes, sleeping in is at 7am than usual weekend mornings. We left their place at 8ish as I had seen my grandma in the morning as well and my parents. I usually don't get to see my parents that often due to them working and my work conflicts with them having off as well, especially with all of these running jobs.

It was good seeing them though and well...we headed up toward the New Rochelle area to see my grandpa. I have been extremely fortunate though in my life to experience both of my grandparents up to about 4-6 years ago when my first grandpa (father's side) passed from Cancer (although he had endured two strokes before hand).
Then last year, my other grandpa (mother's side) had just recently passed, so that was rather sad. I had been on the uneasy side of things where it was very tough to deal with it mentally. There is just something different when you see someone deteriorate so rapidly that it is rather scary. He also had cancer, although he had massive strokes beforehand (which may have been a blessing in disguise) although we still miss him deeply.

I think mentally this is probably the hardest thing to see in one's lifetime is to see a person take their last breathe. We, as a humans, take life for granted and see people we love each and every day so haphazardly...we never appreciate the great qualities in a person's life and we always fall into these emotions or fears or questions. Our minds and ego's just take the best of us...

I was never the man that my grandfather was and never really will be. I had changed and look at things very differently now. Both my grandfather's did many things for other's. It was their personalities to care for others before they cared about themselves.

I have had a new outlook on life this year to do just that and it was my absolute graciousness that I was able to help so many people...and get to know so many people.

It really has put a deep honor in saying that I have these genes and that in all aspects of helping others, I would say to myself, my grandfather's would do the same...
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

No comments: