2/10/11

The lost road

I have taken this path once before. I have taken this bus, again and again...

First was the time my grandfather passed away, but I was there. Last week when I went to a family function to see my cousins that I haven't seen in 15 years...

And now...I sit crying. I remember. I await for my family...

Am I selfish for trying to do something better today. Should I have stepped out and gone home right away once my cousin called me this morning. I was planning on going to see my grandmother tonight, but maybe that was too late.

I remember the days in which I would stay over at my grandma's place at night, when I was little. I try to do everything right, but find that this disease is so much bigger than what I had vested in...I feel hopeless!

I didn't want to be there. To be quite honest, I had seen my grandfather pass away and take his last breathe and it was a painful memory. I can not say the least that maybe I was a little selfish by not seeing my grandmother one last time, but there are no regrets. I did not want to see it happen again.

There is so much that we fight for. So much that we strive in our lives that we don't appreciate what is right in front of our faces sometimes.

I had thought I was ready, prepared for this day about 4 years ago, when my grandma first got this disease. Everytime my sister and mother would call me, I would freak out...4 years later...this happens.

I have lost someone that I care about so deeply. So much more than I could imagine...

I am confused. Struggling to survive.

The road we all pave sometimes seems hopeless...but be hope to keep fighting and fight another day...
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

1 comment:

Quinto Sol said...

Brian- Please receive my most sincere condolences. May she RIP.