I find life harder and harder to understand. As I walk through the city tonight, I find myself more confused as ever. What are we actually here for? Why are we here on earth?

What do we look forward to? What makes us really happy?

I can honestly say that I have not been myself recently. I have not been the happy go lucky person that I have been...I find myself harder and harder to be myself and the character of who I am.

I have found that I do not look forward to things, to not be excited, to feel that I am undeserving of anything exciting.

I am numb...

I seem as though I can not snap myself out of it...I want to, I know I need to, but often resent why?

Why are things so hard?

What do I really want?

Who and what have I become?

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Sunday April 17 - Into Boston...

So...woke up super early to come to Boston on Friday to volunteer as I have done 3 years before at the expo.

Volunteered to help with the Adidas merchandise as everyone appreciated...well...they wanted me to come back the next day! I told them that I was, but not a whole while on my feet! It was fun and they were just impressed how I worked I guess...

Went straight to Davis Square, where Amy lived and met up with her for dinner...and unexpectingly SC came out as well! Wow, when did SC ever have time?

We ate our burrito's and caught up a bit, as SC always let's me stay at her place for the night before the Boston Marathon.

Tomorrow, going to the expo to meet up with the Alzheimer's team!
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Long Days: Track meets & Coaching Seminars

"Saying you don't have enough time is a bad reason to not run. There's always time for a run."

Kathleen Sebelius, Health and Human Services Secretary

So, update on my hamstring: Still hurting and sensitive to the touch. It actually feels pretty annoying and feels as though I have very weak muscles around that point...also feels as though there are pins and needles sometimes around that area.

But anyways, what's up with my day?

I start my day going back to NYRR because I figure that I don't have the participant ribbons for all the students and also pick up another pack of 1st, 2nd and 3rd place ones.

On my own today at the track meet, I find that I am stuck with a ton of things that I need to lug up to Northern Manhattan...although, find that in my subway car, there is a fight that is started between two guys and one guy in the other car...so when the subway stopped, they ran to the other side to argue/start a fight with the other group all along the whole subway station stop...

Finally! One great day to start and stop a meet with the entire meet to go on! It was awesome and great!

The meet went on, as I tried to get all the kids to stay in line, giving them ribbons and scoring at the same time...busy day...seriously busy day!

After the meet, went back to the NYRR to get ready for the coaching clinic as well as the meet the next day. Although getting ready for the coaching clinic was all I had time to do because I needed to shoot an e-mail out to all of the relays that had qualified for tomorrow's meet...ahhh! Hectic!

Anyways, coaching clinic went alright, but on the way there was daunting again...the damn subways were delayed because of a passenger and I had to lug my bag back up to take the 6 train downtown and then over and around.

After all the chaos and getting the coaching clinic done, I was done for the day...well, almost! I needed to input a few items and send out a few things before my day was done...shifting 11 hour days is a tough one...part time work? More like full time, but I'll get my days off later on in the week...
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Boston To Big Sur To Boston...

Seriously? No, we're not talking about just talking marathons, we're talking about my lifestyle now.

Today, after coming back from the Boston Marathon 2 weeks ago and landing back from Big Sur just yesterday morning, I'm going back to Boston for the day. It's pretty much a grueling schedule...a long week ahead, maybe promising, but we shall see...

Let's just hope I have options, but if these options are true, there might be a change.

We'll have to wait and see...
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